Timberlake Demands Sexy Return.

Pop star, Justin Timberlake has cast doubt over Sexy Sunday, a long running event held at Whitby’s biannual pilgrimage of Goths.

The Can’t Stop The Feeling singer took to Twitter to reveal his intentions, following what has become a bitter feud with event organisers. “I brought Sexy back, now I’m taking it back!” he stated. Joined by friends in the industry who have rallied to reclaim Sexy from what they see as a blatant attempt to cheapen it, Timberlake is incensed with the treatment of Sexy at the hands of the pseudo Viz characters.

The war of words began when Sexy Sunday’s Lu Bricant posted a tweet of herself on a date with a poster of the former *NSYNC star. Timberlake continued, “The date went okay, but the poster was severely traumatised due to an occurrence in a taxi on the way home. The poster was left shaken and soiled.”

Deceased pop star, George Michael joined in with the condemnation. The ‘I Want Your Sex’ cadaver tweeted “The industry must do more to protect Sexy from the seedy intentions of middle aged nymphomaniacs #merchandiselivesmatter”

Rod Stewart has also been vocal in his views on the subject. The ‘Do Ya Think I’m Sexy’, Cockney-in-a-kilt took time out from exchanging vows with eighty-seventh wife, Sho Usdacash to release a statement through his secretary and soon to be, eighty-eighth wife, Car D’s Accepted. “What these people have done to Sexy is beyond words,” the pretend Scotsman began, “Sexy deserves far better than this and my thoughts are with Sexy’s family and friends during this difficult time.”

It follows similar reports that a David Hasselhoff doll, a Chris Helmsworth water bottle and various items of Take That tat were allegedly interfered with after being lured to a back stage area at a previous event.

Lu Bricant, who was employed by Tom Jones in the early 1980s as a screamer and knicker flinger at his shows is no stranger to similar controversy. Witness reports of her in what was described as ‘an unholy clinch’ with a David Cassidy LP in 1989 saw the former ‘Miss Wetherby Karaoke & A Kebab’ receive a lifetime ban from a bingo hall in Brighouse.

Sexy Sunday chief, Hazel Fettler responded to Timberlake’s claims. Speaking from the stock room of an Ann Summers branch in Castleford, Fettler was quick to reassure Sexy Sunday goers that the controversy would not affect the event. Waving a Harry The Horny Hedgehog sex toy in the confined space, she stated “Phwoaaaar!!!” and when questioned on Lu Bricant’s continued role in the organisation, she responded, “Phwoaaaar!!!” before suggesting our reporter attend their planned ‘Car Keys In The Jar’ toga event next April.

Whitby resident, Aletaster Walkingboot was unavailable for comment. We spoke to his wife who informed us that he’d been locked in the bathroom for three days after being handed a magazine in a brown paper bag by Sexy Sunday organisers.


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