Fears Over Hard Gothxit Grow

Following the announcement of a referendum to be held in April 2019, where Goths will be given the opportunity to vote on whether to remain in the WGW, or attend a Goth festival the following week instead, self proclaimed queen, owner, governess and high priestess of Whitby, Jo Hampshire has today cast doubt on an easy transition for festival  goers.

In a leaked document, thought to have been drafted by Wom the cockroach, details of an intended coalition with The Wig, Car Park & Balloon Party from The Kingdom Of Lesotho are outlined just below a smear of something resembling tomato ketchup or soup.

Commentators have suggested that this bold move could end any hopes of reducing the Gothxit divorce bill, thought to be in the region of eight pounds fifty. However, Professor of Economics at Filey University, Cal Culator believes that the figure has been greatly understated. “I believe the figure has been greatly understated,” he said, adding that the true figure could be “closer to nine quid. Not that it’ll get paid anyway.”

WGW Gothxit Minister, Screaming Darknavel insisted that draft copies rarely indicate any kind of final bill. Speaking from the lounge of a pub that organisers have long since boycotted, Mr Darknavel played down any kind of links with the African party. “I want to make this perfectly clear, we have absolutely  no intention whatsoever of working with them, but we probably will.” Wearing a tshirt featuring a design of Nigel Farage’s face superimposed onto the body of Christ with a rolled up copy of Smash Hits under one arm, the minister added, “Gothxit means Gothxit!”

A recent exit poll indicated that hardened supporters of Top Mum are firmly behind the proposals outlined in the leaked document, with all three of them giving a resounding thumbs up, though the expected border issue with Robin Hood’s Bay caused some concern with the purchase of the coastal village by owners of the Little A, Whitby Way, Dolphin and Raw Nightclub said to be imminent.

Meanwhile, Whitby resident, Aletaster Walkingboot has today announced plans to enter Whitby politics himself with the “We’re Really Getting Tired Of This Childish Crap’ party.






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