North Korea & Goths Unite.

In its recent quest to adopt more Westernised lifestyle behaviours, North Korea has formed an unlikely alliance with social media savvy goths to learn more about Facebook.

The notoriously secretive nation had been recently receiving tutelage from group administrators but was finally handed the reins to the Whitby Gothic Weekend (Uncensored) group for a more hands on experience.

The group, whose profile picture has since been changed to a portrait of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un is described as ‘Uncensored, freedom of speech, no political agendas, mobile disco hire’ and had become a refuge for goths who felt that their right to fair comment in other related groups on the platform was being denied.

Reporting on progress the project, North Korean Central TV, the state operated news outlet said the trial was going well in that so far one hundred and forty seven dissenters had been banished, seventy four spies imprisoned and as many as thirty eight traitors rounded up and shot. However, they admit that senior officials are still getting to grips with the term, ‘uncensored’

Former group chancellor, DJ Zanypants Discoball initially welcomed the move and said that it had given him the opportunity to perform at a children’s party in Pyongyang, featuring Kids Krazy Korner with face painting and balloon animals and playing a heavily edited version of ‘Agadoo’ on loop. DJ Zanypants Discoball has subsequently been sentenced to twenty five years hard labour for attempting to initiate a ‘conga’.

In a meeting with WGW organisers and supporters in the lounge of a pub long since boycotted by organisers and supporters, attendees remained tight lipped whilst being prodded in the ribs by the barrel of an AK-47 assault rifle, brandished by their companions who had entered into the spirit of the occasion by dressing as members of North Korea’s State Security Department.

Other event organisers have also gone to great lengths to aid the project with Sexy Sunday’s Hazel Fettler sealing herself in a black polythene wrapper and sitting on the top shelf of a news agent’s magazine rack for the duration of the trial.

Tomorrow’s Ghost organiser, Kirstin Lavender has meanwhile had a portrait of The Supreme Leader tattooed on her left buttock and is now the group’s sole surviving member and contributor.

We reached out to Whitby resident, Aletaster Walkingboot for comment and his statement has been published on the group’s page; “…”.

Mr Walkingboot’s family are currently appealing for information as to his whereabouts.







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