Following the realese of social media drama ratings, WGW has emerged as the most watched since Benny lost his woollen hat in the much derided and barely watched soap.
Narrowly pipping Brexit, the Trump administration, poverty, the rise of the far-right, the Korean Peninsula, the fight against cancer and things that genuinely matter in the world, WGW has become a mainstay of worthless comment, baseless argument and remote angst for opinionated goths everywhere.
Speaking from the lounge of a pub that organisers have long since boycotted, WGW press secretary, Howlong Mustikeepwritingthisshituntilyoulotfinallygetitintoyourthickfucking-Skulls remarked, “Who needs to worry about the state of the NHS, our exit of the European Union or the environment when we’ve got more than enough pointless crap for you to get your fishnets in a twist about?”
Absinthe Promotions, new inhabitants of the Whitby Pavilion during the bi-annual gathering of angry people, continually searching for things to be angry about have remained tight-lipped. Instead they appear to be pouring their efforts and resources into running a goth festival. Ms Mustikeepwritingthisshituntilyoulotfinallygetitintoyourthickfucking-Skulls had this to say, “Yeah, well, you know they’ve got cooties, don’t you? Enjoyment, pah, what a rediculus [sic] notion.” before pinching her nose and making a bad smell gesture.
Meanwhile, Whitby resident, Aletaster Walkingboot has today announced plans to build a perfect copy of the town a few miles further down the coast where inhabitants can have a nice cold pint and wait for it all to blow over.
Siouxsie’s Tumult 